My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
