your room smells of hookers.
And success
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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