every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
