my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
