how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
