So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Acid is not a monday night drug
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
