Apparently you make a good broom.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
