I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
