so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
