If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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