i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
