Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
