if i can run in heels then i can drive
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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