I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
