I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
