All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
