in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
