This is not my ceiling
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
