Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
