either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
