ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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