During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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