I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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