It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
