fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
