Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
