And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
