We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
