The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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