well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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