So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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