I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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