wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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