new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
