And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We're too hungover to prance.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
