Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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