everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I forget how to act sober
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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