Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
