just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When are your genitals available?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
