Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
