apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
