I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
