dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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