How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
