So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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