Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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