fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
