Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
