btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
