My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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