its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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