Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
