This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
