it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
did i walk over a car last night?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
