It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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