just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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