You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
