um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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