Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
