We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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