Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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