There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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