Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
