I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
