I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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