Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
