This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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