some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
