dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
