nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
