I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
