Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
