The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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