when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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