Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
