She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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