Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
