Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
