Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
