A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
