it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
