He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
