Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As shirtless as possible
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
