Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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